Working with people pleasing tendencies

ABOUT THE EPISODE

Working with people pleasing tendencies

Dr Hanne Warren and Dr Natalie Stott explore the roots and functions of people pleasing, including core fears, self-compassion and body awareness.

• Why people pleasing can feel protective
• Formulating client histories and core fears
• Using the downward arrow technique
• Building self-compassion and noticing the costs of people pleasing

What can make people pleasing feel protective?

Dr Hanne Warren and Natalie explore people pleasing as a response with a history and a function, rather than simply a habit the client should stop. Formulating the client's experiences and core fears can help make sense of what the response is trying to prevent or preserve.

This stance keeps the work curious. It allows the therapist and client to consider the circumstances in which pleasing others became useful and the situations that continue to activate it, without reducing the person to a label.

How can therapy make room for different responses?

The downward-arrow technique can help explore the feared meaning beneath a situation, while attention to the body may show how the response is experienced in the moment. The episode also considers the costs of people pleasing and the role of self-compassion.

Change does not have to begin with demanding that the client become more assertive. Understanding the pattern and responding to it with less criticism can create room to notice choices, limits and needs that may previously have felt difficult to hold.

Related listening: For another pattern shaped by feared consequences, core beliefs and self-criticism, listen to Working with Perfectionism, including practical cognitive and behavioural ideas.